I will never write the Great American Novel

[psocoptera]

I've never intended to; I don't write novels, I don't even believe The G.A.N. exists. But I will never write the Great American Novel. Nor will I ever see my first paper published, present a poster at my first conference, be addressed as Dr. Sw*ft, or even know how satisfyingly well I did on my comp exams. On the other hand, I'll also never be sitting in the lab again, completely alone, staring at my lab notebook thinking, so should I do it that way or this way? do I need to do that first? where do I even *start*?, having absolutely no one around I can ask, panicking before I've even gotten anywhere knowing I can't possibly get it right without a little guidance I'm just not going to get.

So, you know, it's not without its compensations. And I get a Masters as a consolation prize. And it seems reasonably likely that by the end of the year I'll be somewhere being generally more content and productive, earning a good bit more than I was, grinding my teeth and thinking hateful thoughts as my time and actions are directly controlled by someone else, because apparently I get a choice of extremes, and after three and a half months of silence I finally heard from my advisor, and what I heard was that I'm out. So I don't have that choice any more.

Or, you know, maybe I'll write the Great American Novel or something ::grin::. Teach high school? Proofread textbooks? Anybody need a Master of Biochemistry, good bench skills, excellent written English, creative, quick learner, may think hateful thoughts at you if given too many drop-that-other-thing-and-do-this-now commands but "thrives in a team environment with plenty of communication" or whatever nice spin we're going to try to put on it? Ze dept. head suggested "found I wasn't really interested in basic research", but while I may not actually ever be *engaged* in it again, I'm still quite *interested* in the questions and methods of basic research. Just not in trying to do it in total isolation. I suppose now it is a sort of spectator interest; me and my busted knee will follow the careers of my contemporaries and wonder how it might have been.

I'm totally serious about the job thing, by the way. I don't have any particular plans - I'm open to pursuing anything that sounds interesting.

Comments

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

<HUG/> That sucks, though you've put a remarkably positive spin on it. I'm afraid I don't have anything in the way of a job to offer you -- I Do just doesn't need biochemists. <hug/> <hug/> <hug/>

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

::hugs you back:: I continue to be more or less okay about it, so, hey.

Am amused by the idea of circumstances under which I Do might need a biochemist. I suppose if people started registering with biotech boutiques for designer immunities and stuff they might need a consultant... ::grin::

[ursula]

You should get a job for, like, Amazon or Microsoft, and move to Seattle and entertain me. Assuming you're not allergic to cats ;)

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

I am, as it happens, horrifically allergic to cats. Although presumably the entire city of Seattle is not saturated with cats, such that one can find apartments and coffeeshops and such that are cat-free... I was in fact born in Seattle and probably would not have survived my childhood if the very streets seethed with cats.

Also I have no idea what Amazon would want with a biochemist, and would be a little scared if they did... but thanks ::grin::.

[ursula]

To run the biochemistry-books purchasing department, of course!

If you avoid certain bookstores, Seattle would be survivable, I suppose . . .

[aryky.livejournal.com]

{hug}

I'm sorry about everything that caused the hateful thoughts. And the panic, and the lack of guidance, and, well, everything. But, you know what? There are few people in this world I admire and respect as much as you. I don't know much about making a life, but I'm sure that, one way or another, you're going to make a good one. Good luck!

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

Uh, dude, thank you. ::hugs you:: Not much hate so far, of course, I have yet to get off my ass about job hunting even... ::grin::

[sofer.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear you'll get the masters. Now we can call you Master S. How about the Great American Graphic Novel? Actually, I think your career path is clear: mad science! OK, seriously - yeah, there are lots of trade offs here. It can be hard to find plan B, but I'm sure you'll find something else you like to do.

[allectofromlj]

*hugs*

Clearly you need to move back to the Philly area and, um. Find something or other to do.

Seriously, yo. When I get back from Europe, I'm going to look for a house and I have some vague ideas for my own jobly future, and you can rent a bedroom in my house (which will have a cable modem and wireless hub/router, btw) and you can find some crap job that pays the rent and we can sit up all night writing on laptops and watching tv. (Which, to be fair, is what I do at Larry & Megan's all the time, but I'm sure they'd love another companion at their House of Sloth...)

And then your novel will be published and you'll be famous. Even if you'll have to keep working at the crap job because authors make no money.

And then we'll convince Chaos to move in with us.

Yes. It's a good plan.

[carnap.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear you got the Master's! An advanced scientific degree is a nice consolation prize, as consolation prizes go.

Here's one idea I have for you: you could take the patent bar. You don't need to be a lawyer to take it; you can become a "registered patent agent" if you have sufficient scientific credentials (you're plenty qualified) and pass the exam. You'd need to study the rules of patent procedure, but the exam is open book.

I only learned that there was such a thing as the patent bar two days ago, so I don't know too much about it. But there aren't too many people with the credentials and interest to be patent agents, and you can work a lot of places - law firms, corporations, scientific laboratories, the government.

I don't have the slightest idea whether this would interest you, but it's an idea you probably haven't heard from anyone, so I thought I would throw it out.

[antimony.livejournal.com]

I know some about this, as my dad patents things, and thus deals with patent lawyers. This is a hugely growing field, and one deeply in need of people approaching it from the technical, rather than lawyer, side.
Ditto on the "no idea if you'd like it", but I think you'd be good at it. And it pays nicely, which is a plus.

[kelilah.livejournal.com]

Oh, good, I'm so glad you get a Masters. I was afraid your stupid advisor's lameness would interfere. (Am I being too hard on your advisor? I get kind of annoyed at advisors who are incommunicado.) And, you know, I don't think people expect biochemists to write The Great American Novel. ;^) Seriously, though, I'll ask my dad if he knows of any openings. I'm sure the excellent written English will be a plus. He's had so many problems with people trying to proofread scientific papers who don't know diddlysquat about science.

[elysdir.livejournal.com]

Eep!

Sympathies. Sounds like it sucks.

You could try creating a complete Cartoon Guide to Biochemistry.... But that probably wouldn't pay the rent until it was done and published, so you might need a day job in the meantime.

Have you considered trying your hand as a humor columnist for a local newspaper? Or, say, Salon or Slate or something?

[stowaway-geek.livejournal.com]

Sympathy.

I left Maryland CS with a large portion of a Masters degree, but not the whole thing, which was bad, in terms of me having it lurking over me without having decided definitively "no, I don't want this."

So in hard-headed, practical terms, seems as well that you're finishing that chunk.

congrats and condolences

[eastgategirl.livejournal.com]

Congrats on your "consolation prize" and condolences for having gotten stuck with a totally worthless (and heartless?) adviser. But not all graduate programs are such lonely places, so don't necessarily rule out finding one that's more congenial. I imagine that the sciences are different from the humanities in the way they look at age, but I have a license plate that says PHDAT50, so if you discover that you really miss it, and that you really want to be addressed as Dr., I'm sure that you've got time to go back to biochemistry. Or to find something else that fits you better..