parenting ethics Sunday

[psocoptera]

A new feature? Time will tell.

So: say my kid has a book (or several) that she likes but I can't stand. (Assume the problem is aesthetic, rather than racist/sexist/etc content, which would be a different problem.) Is it better to a) quietly remove and discard the book, b) tell her we're getting rid of the book, c) keep it but consistently refuse to read it when she asks (always suggesting something else instead), or d) keep it and read the hideous thing over and over? Does it make a difference if the other parent likes that one?

I wouldn't sneakily throw out a CD of Josh's that I hated, but I would certainly ask him to only listen to it in his car/on headphones/when I wasn't home and would expect that he would cooperate with this request for my sake. Explaining to Juniper that "Mama doesn't read that one but Daddy does" seems comparable, but what if she's too young to understand that I can dislike something she likes, but it doesn't mean I think something's wrong with her for liking it?

Comments

[allectofromlj]

My suggestion would be to couch it differently--make it a special "Daddy-Juniper" only book. Then instead of being something that Mommy doesn't like, it's something the two of them have as their own unique thing.

Although for the record, I think she's too young to think that you disapprove of her for liking something you don't.

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

I suspect her of having much more sophisticated ideas than she can express in words, but good to know the educated guess.

[jaipur.livejournal.com]

I'm just intrigued that a kid's book could arouse such negative feelings over an aesthetic point... What the heck is it doing?

[gannet.livejournal.com]

If certain words or word combinations make you cringe, then reading them over and over is, well. Like being forced to eat overcooked canned peas.

Reading a book you don't care for but isn't actively objectionable *once* is different from being asked to read it multiple times a day. And if a small child likes a book a lot, parents *will* be asked to read it multiple times a day.

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it wasn't so bad once, but I just never found anything about it to appreciate or a fun way to read it. (The particular book I was thinking of in this case was "Snow Bears" by Martin Waddell, but there have been various other books that have quietly migrated to distant bookshelves and away from the living room book crate. "Snow Bears" is probably charming and beloved by many excellent people who aren't me.)

I mostly won't read anything we own more than once per day in any case (I'll read library books a few times/day, although not more than once in a given book-reading session), but even at once per day on this one, I'm a crappy actor and I think my resentment shows up in my voice.

several questions

[eastgategirl.livejournal.com]

This raises a couple of questions. Does Josh actually like the book, or is he just a bit more tolerant about its defects than you are? If it's the former, then I agree that it should be a Juniper/Daddy book. And you can maybe talk about how one or the other of the three of you doesn't like certain foods, but the other two of you do. If the latter, then I'd just get rid of the book. Sean and I both actively disliked the version of The Three Little Pigs that you had out of the library and which Junie apparently loved. I read it once to her, but I substituted something else when she wanted to read it again. I'm bringing up a different version next time we see you, and if you don't like it, by all means give it back, and I'll bring it back to the Swap Shop. I think that differences in taste are legitimate, and that you can probably start making that case now without any problem, whether it's about reading materials or food or anything else.

Re: several questions

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I hated that version of The Three Little Pigs. But I let her pick out any library book she wants for her pick (as long as it's not obviously incorrect, such as something a hundred pages long or something), so there it was. I think I did return it before it was due, though, when the thought of another week made me want to tear out my hair. I tell her my version now at naptime or bedtime, sometimes - the pigs all survive and are happy together, and the wolf gets tired and decides to go eat some tofu instead. Oh, and everyone's a girl, because there's no reason they shouldn't be.

Re: several questions

[q10.livejournal.com]

Oh, and everyone's a girl, because there's no reason they shouldn't be.

i approve of this. i remember when i was taking that storytelling class i struggled with issues related to gendering animal characters. at one point there was a discussion about how people should tell ‘The Three Nanny Goats Gruff’ more often.

Re: several questions

[eastgategirl.livejournal.com]

Well, you may want to give back the one that I've got, and I certainly won't mind if you hate this one, too--the first two pigs run back to the third pig's house, and the mother pig joins them, but the wolf comes down the chimney and ends up boiled with the veggies. And the pronouns, except for the mother pig, are all "he," but you could certainly change them to she.

Re: several questions

[irilyth]

The pigs all survive in my version too, after running off into the forest when their houses collapse. The wolf gets tired and "goes off to find something easier to eat", I believe. :^)

I've tried to give the first two pigs motivations for building their houses out of inferior materials: The first pig has lots of ideas and things he wants to do, so he wants to get his house built quickly so he can get on with the exciting task of seeking his fortune; while the second wants a house that's as pretty as possible. The one thing I liked about that version was that it also mentioned that the wooden house was very pretty. :^)

[belecrivain.livejournal.com]

I sometimes do (e) which is not read the actual text. Example: we have a terrible version of Jack and the Beanstalk in which the giant is just sleeping while Jack steals his stuff; there's no threat, no "Fee-fi-fo-fum," nothing to suggest that Jack isn't just being an unrepentant thief. So when she brings me that book, I tell the version where Jack parties with the giant until after midnight, then takes the chicken, etc., with permission, and ends with, "And later the giant came looking for Jack to return the stuff... but that's another story."

otherwise usually I just read it. At least the first six times. We have so many subpar books that refusing to read them (or waiting for Daddy) would just lead to far more fights than I am willing to countenance.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, we have a book that is not a childrens book, It has a ton of cat photos with very uninteresting quotes on each page. We have to read this book every time we go to the potty (which is a lot) I have taken to flipping the pages and making something up about the cat on each page or asking lirael to identify something about each cat (Me: count the kittens. Lirael: 1, 3, 2, 5) etc.