wedding busyness?

[psocoptera]

This is a question for anyone who has thrown a big "event" reception, particularly weddings/commitment ceremonies.

I have heard numerous people refer to how super-busy they were the week before their wedding - "all the running around they had to do", how exhausted they were after the wedding such that they just wanted to sleep for two days, etc.

As a wedding planning novice, it is not obvious to me what tasks will need to be performed in the days before the wedding. Surely we'll have long since had all our vendors booked, etc, and I assume most of the Stuff we want (food, tables, cake, etc) will be delivered directly to the site day-of. My mother has suggested she might show up "several days in advance to help out" - it's not clear what she would be helping with, and I had assumed I would work a normal schedule that week. I'm probably being hopelessly naive, but I'm afraid I'm missing so much information that I can't even figure out what my bad assumptions are here. Can anyone who has recently planned a wedding-type event give me a list of the errands you ran in the week or so before the wedding? If you don't remember every single errand, can you give me a sense of what sorts of things you had to deal with? (Maybe I'm wrong in assuming most things can be delivered directly, and you had to personally transport and store things?)

Comments

[sinsofthedove.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, having never been married myself, but I'm interested to know the answers. I find the arcana of wedding planning totally fascinating in its weird immensity.

[kelilah.livejournal.com]

People who were super-busy the week before their weddings were clearly not doing things the easy way.

J. and I both took off just the Friday before, and spent Friday and Saturday sort of leisurely doing things. We bought the soda, having already bought the beer, wine, and other beverages; I had my makeup trial; Catherine helped us put together the centerpieces. Then day of, we had to transport the beverages and centerpieces to the site. But really, most things were already done. Oh, yeah, we bought presents for our attendant-y people. And J.'s mom and aunt made cakes for the rehearsal dinner. But it was all pretty laid back; things only got a bit stressy with the actual rehearsal and the missing ice.

If you're doing programs or favors, those are generally things that are done at the last minute. Also, I recommend definitely taking off work the day before at the very least, because even if you don't have much to do, it'll be nice to have time to spend with all the people who are coming into town.

[amyprime.livejournal.com]

I don't remember being particularly busy, but our event was fairly low-key, and I refused to be the one to do a lot of the work. But it will be an interesting exercise to go through my email box of the two weeks prior to the wedding, so here I go:

Make sure we got the certificate that everyone signed
Figure out if we want pictures beforehand (answer: no)
Print out directions from ceremony to reception to distribute to guests
Get hair done
Organize carpooling
Plan the bachelor(ette) party (ie milkshakes at Nifty Fifties)
Some people got car rentals since we weren't local
Deal with last-minute RSVPs to the dinner-the-day-before
Pick important people up from the airport
Deal with special menu requests
Have John's sister make up a wedding program, because she wanted to
Making a seating plan
Get people to help show people where to park
Deal with last-minute Abby-may-be-home-with-her-sick-grandmother

Hm, that's a lot! Obviously some of these could have been handled earlier, but for one thing you can't count on your guests sticking to your "I want everything settled two weeks before the wedding" schedule.

[glynhogen.livejournal.com]

Delegating to other people may be a brilliant idea or a recipe for disaster. Something will go wrong. Depending upon what goes wrong, there may be ripples, because logistics can be a bitch. Depending on how anal you are, this will bother you to a greater or lesser degree.

I recommend that you aim for lesser. My life has not been negatively impacted by the fact that the tablecloths at our reception were the wrong color. I am confident that I could do a much, much better job of planning my next wedding, and am quite satisfied if this theory is never tested.

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

We had a fairly low-key wedding, and G worked right up to the weekend, but I took a day or two off on both ends (we went on our honeymoon months later). Mostly what I remember from what I had to do before had to do with people arriving, going to the airport to pick people up, the pre-wedding dinner (which was a Friday night at our house), and also clothing and grooming-related chores. We also had to clean the house for the party we were throwing after the initial reception, and I had a couple people staying here.

The day of, there were a lot of things that needed to be done, and we got lots of good help.

If you have a pre-wedding night out that will take up time as well. You are also likely to be just plain distracted and that will make it hard to work.

Other things you might need to do include getting cash or certified checks for various service folks and tips, confirming reservations, a walk-thru of your vows/order of service with the officiant and other key people, packing up any special items you want to bring or have brought (balloons and cardboard for signs, table decorations, guest book and it's likely you'll think of things you wanted) and things dealing with potential weather issues that you won't know about (wind, rain)

If you're going on your honeymoon right after, you'll have to pack and prepare for that at the same time.

It shouldn't be a big deal all told, but it's nice not to be at work fretting about it and be able to get stuff done or just sit and visit with out of town people instead.

[nearly-there.livejournal.com]

Chris and I did not have a low-key wedding. Many of the events were low-key, but we had three events (Friday night pizza party at our house, Saturday picnic, Sunday wedding and reception). We made that choice because we don't see our families much, 5/6 of our guestlist (and all of the family) was flying in, and almost no one knew anything about the area. I will not lie to you - it was pretty insane - but I loved it. We actually spent a significant amount of time catching up with guests, and that never would have happened if we'd only done wedding ceremony & reception.

The things that I remember for the actual wedding & reception were: confirming reservations & notifying caterers of final head count, assembling the final seating chart (we had late changes), confirming delivery times for flowers & cake, making sure that checks were all in order (band, officiant, etc), filing the wedding certificate paperwork, packing chapel decorations and making sure we had people to do the decorating, printing and folding programs (I tried to do this beforehand, but again with the late changes), assembling favors & place-cards (we made a mix and wrote the placecards on the CD envelope, so that couldn't happen until we had the seating chart), final fittings & picking up tuxes from rental, wrapping attendant gifts & writing the cards, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, manicure / hair appointments, final check-in with the photographers... and then, of course, spending time with our family and friends who had arrived early.

I should also mention that many of the things in that list took less than 5 minutes to complete (e.g. confirming reservations), and we had a few friends who did an amazing job of helping us with many more of them.

It did feel a little bit crazy, but we'd made a huge series of spreadsheets with all of the details and that helped quite a lot. I totally recommend spreadsheeting as much of your wedding as possible.

This is my happy wedding icon for you, too!

[tapas.livejournal.com]

We got married on a Saturday. creed_of_hubris arrived in Rochester more than a week in advance but I only came up on the Tuesday before. Still, I was glad I had those three days from Wednesday - Friday.

Our week-of adventures included:

picking up creed_of_hubris's ring, which had to be resized twice

getting the marriage license (ate up more time than expected - who knew you needed the official copy of the birth certificate with the raised seal?)

meeting with the Church folks on Wednesday for pre-wedding counseling

consultation with the hairstylist for me

visit to the florist to ask for baby's breath for hair, at hairstylist's suggestion

consultation with the photographer about timing of events, when he would arrive where, who needed to stay behind for photos at the church, etc

making sure everyone who needed a ride from the airport had one (including trying to describe Chris C to creed_of_hubris's uncle, who happened to be making a pick-up at the airport at just the right time but didn't have enough seats in his car to carry both the arrivals and someone who could identify Chris)

socializing with out of town friends & relatives as they started arriving

Extra-special socializing as our parents met each other for the first time

spending a lot of time on the cell phone with various friends and relatives explaining what was happening where & when and how to get there and whether or not they needed to dress up for a particular event

bachelorette party Thursday night (bachelor party happened the weekend before)

pick-up and fittings for tuxes for the males in the wedding party while the gals were partying on Thurs.

rehearsal and rehearsal dinner Friday night

consultation with the organist about processional and recessional music

discussion and acquisition of an appropriate thank-you gift for the priest

making sure all the things that needed to get to the reception site were organized

making sure the out-of-towners had rides to and from the church

helping to prepare for the day-after brunch at creed_of_hubris's parents

Some of these things we could certainly have taken care of ahead of time if we hadn't been doing the arrangements from afar, but some we couldn't have. The marriage license, for example, was only good for a specific time period, so we couldn't have gotten it weeks ahead of time. The tuxes were on a tight schedule. They (and the people wearing them) only arrived a few days in advance and the tuxes had to be tried on at least two days in advance so that there was a full day in which to order replacements should any of them not have fit.

[gannet.livejournal.com]

Some of this stuff will vary on a state-by-state basis. Stephen and I eloped, so, you know, fairly stress-free*, but we had 60 days to get married after we got our marriage license (in North Carolina) so it was rather different from tapas's situation. It pays to find out now how your marriage license will work and what's required to get one.

*We just had to get our license (which required notarized birth certificates), find a "minister" (ours had paid to be ordained by the Universal Life Church (http://www.themonastery.org/)) and two witnesses, and figure out a day when all five of us could be in the same place at the same time. The frivolities involved pawn-shop rings and arranging for dinner reservations. The only thing we had to worry about the week of the wedding was the weather; fortunately, it cooperated. Then we called our families after the fact.

[sofer.livejournal.com]

Well, our wedding was on Sunday, and I didn't take Friday off, but there was a lot of crazy running around Saturday and Sunday before the ceremony. Most of that could have been avoided if we'd planned it out better and delegated tasks to people in advance. Things we did last minute were:

Pick up the microphone from rental place and set it up.
Set up the stereo in the tent with CDs.
Cut out programs
Steal and arrange flowers.
Hang signs on the way to the site
Collect props for the ceremony (glass in napkin, cup with wine etc.)
Put out guest book
Tell caterer where to set things up and what the order of events was going to be.
Coordinate everyone saying a blessing.

We also did a lot of work setting up for the barbecue - moving furniture, getting food and grills ready and so on, which you probably won't have to do. One thing you probably will have to do is answer a zillion phone calls from people letting you know where they are, asking for directions etc.

Hope that's helpful!

[kelilah.livejournal.com]

I will note, in case I didn't tell you this before, and in case you're now concerned, in Massachusetts, you don't need birth certificates to get a marriage license, just picture id. And it's good for 60 days.

[saxifrage.livejournal.com]

Here's what I remember doing the week before the wedding:
deal with seating chart
get the favors ready
coordinate with florist, string quartet, photographers, and location about the timing of the ceremony
get a last-minute dance lesson
pick up freshly pressed dresses
make reservations for and have rehearsal dinner
host a party for out of town guests the day beforehand
get hair and makeup done
get massages to try to relax beforehand
pick up people at airport
answer the phone a lot--confused guests calling
pick up special glasses for toast (it can be nice to have glasses you keep after the event to commemorate the toasts)
do a practice run of the ceremony
make sure all speakers at the ceremony had something to say
rehearse the duet Trysha and I played during the ceremony
get the marriage license
packing for the honeymoon
get new shoes after the dogs chewed our wedding shoes (bad dogs!)

I think we probably could have done some of that earlier, but then again we were trying to get married really fast because we were worried gay marriage might go away. Also there just *will* be little last-minute emergencies--things you really can't plan for. I definitely recommend taking some time off and getting massages before the wedding--dealing with all the last-minute details can be stressful and the massages definitely helped.

[nearly-there.livejournal.com]

I second the part about getting a massage. I got one on Friday for the Sunday wedding, and I really do think it helped put me in a better frame of mind. (Also, at that point, it was just really nice to not have to think for an hour...)

[(Anonymous)]

The biggest last-minute hassle for us was dealing with my rental tux -- complete disaster, with 2 frustrating trips to the tux shop, a shopping trip for buttons, and much last-minute sewing. Don't use Mr. Tux.

We had to deliver a ton of stuff to the ceremony and reception sites, put up signs in various places, pick up flowers, pick up tux, pick up programs (which we could have done earlier if life worked that way), confirm everything with participants and vendors, clean the house (we had an after-party at the house), prepare for our honeymoon trip (though we planned a Tuesday departure after a Sunday wedding so we would have time to decompress and finish packing after the wedding).

[belecrivain.livejournal.com]

trying to think. we did the marriage license thing about three weeks beforehand.

I remember:
going with the florist to choose flowers at the warehouse
finalizing the guest list (a word of advice: one, people you would have expected to RSVP will not, and two, it'll be tempting, but fruitless, to be bitter about said fact)
helping my mother with the out-of-town guests dinner at her house Friday night
determining the seating arrangements
picking up my maid of honor when she flew in
the rehearsal, the day before
the hair and makeup trials
bachelor/ette parties the Friday night before (and then helping my hung-over brother-in-law and father-in-law-to-be the next morning)
general coordinating for out-of-towners.

I don't remember how many days I took off beforehand. One or two? The wedding itself stands out but the week before is a blur.