Becoming A Man

[psocoptera]

Becoming A Man, at the ART. Written by a trans guy about his transition - I think it was a memoir before being turned into a play. I thought it was well done - small cast, nonchronological, I thought the balance of hopeful-but-open-ended at the end hit a good note. (One of the play's big topics is what his transition means for his marriage and his wife's identity as a lesbian.) I was amused by the bit about his brightly colored sneakers (which his wife hates)... as a brightly-colored sneaker-wearer myself, I hadn't thought of that as particularly masc-coded, unlike some of my other clothing preferences. (I mean, I buy women's sneakers...)

Comments

[crystalpyramid]

Hmm, I feel like women can wear brightly-colored sneakers, but brightly-colored sneakers are the only colorful thing men get to wear without breaking the boring neutral masc dress code, so maybe they're more masculine for that reason? In little kids' clothes, boy rainbows tend to be bold and girl rainbows tend to be pastel.

[crystalpyramid]

A genuine question: are we supposed to get to hate elements of our partners' clothing? And tell them? Or is that weird and inappropriate?

[psocoptera]

Well, in the play it's part of a whole more complicated thing where the wife gets diagnosed with cancer and is taking out some of the stress of that on her husband having been wearing fun shoes while sitting with her getting the news. (I think that's what scene it was, my memory is a little blurry a week later.) In general, I don't know, I think it's fair game to say things like "I was picturing you wearing something dressier/more casual for this occasion", or "I think you look weird in that garment"... hate is a strong word...

[irilyth]

I feel like there's a common trope where one person in a couple (typically a man person) has some beloved article of clothing that his (typically female) partner hates, like some veteran underwear as Dave Barry calls it, or a sports jersey that he refuses to wash, or some loud and garish hat or t-shirt with cringeworthy text on it, or something. I think the article has to have mostly sentimental or other non-fashion value (i.e. he's not wearing the horrible hat because it looks stylish, he's wearing it because IT IS AWESOME, or something like that); and the audience is meant to sympathize with the woman, although I suppose to the extent that real people actually do this, men might sympathize with the man. But in any case, it's less like one partner thinks something is genuinely fashionable and stylish and the other hates it, and more like one is irrationally in love with it and the other partner thinks it's yicky.

I think if my partner genuinely hated that I wore sweatshirts and shorts year-round, I'd want to know that, because I do like it and think it suits me, but I'd be willing to do something else if it was making my partner sad and angry and whatever. I wouldn't say "it's inappropriate for you to have feelings about my clothing".

I think I put it in the same category as other personal choices, like how long my hair is, whether I have a beard or not, what body hair I do or don't shave -- why is this all about hair, hm -- anyway, that it's totally appropriate for them to have an opinion about those things, and probably not appropriate to tell me that I have to do one thing or another, or to pressure or manipulate or bully me into doing something I don't want to do, but that they can tell me what they think and I can take that into as much consideration as I want to take their opinions into consideration in general.