preschool twist: need advice

[psocoptera]

Spoke with the director today, who said that Junie seems "pretty miserable" and suggested that she might adjust better if she went five mornings a week for a little while. (Just the mornings on her off-days, maybe just part of the mornings, free of charge.)

My initial reaction is strongly negative: we didn't even look at five-day-a-week programs, because it was too important to me to have those school-free days, and we've been telling her and telling her that she goes to school on Tuesday Wednesday and Friday and Monday and Thursday she stays home with Mama and it seems like totally pulling the rug out from under her to change that up now (whereas we've tried from the beginning to mention how she's going to gradually stay later and later). (Plus it sort of seems like punishment for not liking preschool, to make her go *more*, although I suppose that's how remedial anything works, that whatever you struggle most with you get stuck doing extra.)

But I do also believe in listening to one's kid's teachers, who (presumably) know what they are talking about and are making suggestions that they've seen work for similar kids in similar situations.

So... I could really use some advice on this one. Set aside my misgivings and try it next week? Or continue on as we have been? I haven't even told them yet that she'll be out two and a half days the first two weeks of October for a peds appointment and travel... which I do feel like would be a good excuse for not trying the five-day thing, that her schedule will be so disrupted in October anyways... gah.

Comments

[gannet.livejournal.com]

Would it thus be five mornings or three half days?

The teachers at T's child care were pretty adamant that in their experience, five half days worked better for kids than three full days, because the routine was somehow steadier.

[gannet.livejournal.com]

That is, would it be all half-days with no afternoons, or would it be mornings on the alternate days and full days the other days?

[gallian.livejournal.com]

Teacher perspective:

It is much easier to help students adjust to a routine (both Junie and her peers) if it is regular. Disruptions (even weekends) make it harder, but intensive interventions are usually far more effective than dragging it out.... I would go with this plan, especially since her schedule will be disrupted in October; you want, if possible, for her situation to feel secure before disrupting it.

But I'm a teacher, not a parent. Others may have a different perspective.

[prisminawindow.livejournal.com]

I'm obviously not a parent or a teacher, but speaking from the perspective of someone who was the kind of kid who *really* like knowing what to expect and having sufficient warning, I'd be hesitant to spring the extra days on her (at least without more warning and lead-up/discussion). General advice is necessarily general, so I think it makes sense to think about how Junie in particular takes things.

My impression is that adults who were not my parents tended to be too likely to think surprise changes were a good idea and my parents (mostly from experience) became better judges (e.g., after realizing that they shouldn't let the nurse try to give toddler-me a shot without warning while I was distracted because I would hit the nurse ... um, I dunno, I still think that was basically a fair response given my epistemic situation). So I have no idea if Junie is like this or not, but all of that is mainly to say that general advice is general, so while it can be very helpful, it's only one factor to consider.

In terms of the particulars, this may be a long shot, but could you make her think going more often was a good idea somehow? Are there activities that happen on the other days that she doesn't get to do now, but might be interested in trying? someone else at school who's lonely and wants Junie's company on the other days (e.g., she could see going the extra days as partly "for them")? an older kid who could talk to Junie about how preschool gets better but you have more fun when you go all the time and get to know the people and the place?

No idea if this is useful, but figured I'd add my (rambly, sleep-deprived) two cents. Good luck!

[prof-fran.livejournal.com]

I wish I had an answer for you. I respect that you're trying so hard.

Intuitively, I think Junie is very young yet and the half day option might be better. It sounds like you don't want to pull her out entirely, which is also an option suggested for very young kids. It also sounds like she's making progress (though I don't see the daily fight, but at least she's eating) so if the school were willing to work with you, you might just stick with the current plan (It really did take Brynnen about 6 weeks to settle in to a 1 day a week program).

Good luck.

[cereph.livejournal.com]

having absolutely no personal experience on any of this, I would be very reluctant to send her all five days after very specifically telling her which days she is going and staying home. Would it work to keep her at 3 half days for now, maybe through the first two weeks in Oct, and see if things improve?

[jaipur.livejournal.com]

Hey, someone I was talking to today who has twins who are 2.5 yrs old and in day care, said it took about 4-6 weeks before they stopped crying every time they went to day care, and after a week's vacation this summer it took another 4 weeks to get them back into the swing of things. Apparently this day care thing is way more of an issue for a lot of people than I'd ever heard of...