gender & parenting question for y'all

[psocoptera]

Q's soccer class happens to contain no girls, but the coaches have mentioned, when they line up for stickers, that if there *were* girls, they would go first, because "ladies first".

My knee-jerk reaction is "why you gotta bring gender into it"; as gender discrimination goes, I don't think it's *particularly* harmful, but still, ugh.

Do I say something? I think they're good coaches otherwise and it would be socially terrifying, but I could. Or Josh points out we could drop an email to the organization asking about the policy or something. Curious what people think.

Comments

[crystalpyramid]

It's the kind of thing that would probably be super-weird if the class only contained one or two girls, singling them out even worse than they already are. That might be a point worth making. I don't really see why they feel the need to bring this up in a situation where it doesn't even apply.

[gannet.livejournal.com]

What she said, and also I think it could lead to resentment--possibly minor, but I think that anything that suggests that the two genders should be treated in unfair ways can add to the problem. Yes, just one drop in a giant bucket full of gender discrimination, but still.

That said, I understand about the social terror. Email sounds like the best bet.

[jain]

Alternatively, I think it's possible that the coaches/the organization instituted a "ladies first" policy because they noticed that sans policy the boys tended to push to the front while the girls hung to the back, so that lining up for stickers effectively became "girls last" almost every time.

Regardless, I don't think benevolent sexism is typically the best way to address sexism in general; it might go some way towards making girls feel less unimportant, but it comes with some pretty pernicious side effects. (My own preference in this sort of situation would be to give each kid a number based on an objective criterion--say, alphabetical order of their names or chronological order of their birthdays--and line them up in that order each time, only cycling it so that Kid #1 moves to the back of the line on Day 2, and Kid #2 moves to the back of the line on Day 3, etc. That does require a lot more record-keeping and corralling of small children, though.)

An email asking about the policy sounds like a good idea in any case.

[amyprime.livejournal.com]

Idunno, I doubt the organization has an official "policy," so an email about it might just make people uncomfortable without any benefit. Is this something the coaches say repeatedly, or was it a one-off? A casual interjection of "Nah, we don't need to single anyone out based on gender, girls and boys are both cool," delivered at the time of the comment, and coming from a female, seems more likely to actually be listened to.

[psocoptera.livejournal.com]

Repeatedly; I've heard it several times at the end of the previous class, where there are girls, and several times at Q's. I guess I feel like if I spoke up in person now, when I've heard it a bunch of times, it's not going to come off as casual? Also I'm usually some distance back, where I can easily hear things said in a "coaching voice" but would have to deliberately come much closer to not sound like I was being a yelly lady, myself. Blargh.

[amyprime.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that's annoying. I've always hated "ladies first" because then I feel like everyone is staring at me, waiting for me to finish.

So maybe an email could work. Maybe encouraging them to instead directly address the behavior they want to encourage -- e.g., a policy of "Anyone who pushes/shoves/squeezes into line has to go to the back"?

[irilyth]

Hey, speaking of soccer and female persons, it is apparently Women's World Cup time. I wonder if any of it can be streamed online, and if our kids would enjoy watching it.