the post in which I don't know what I'm talking about

I was at the midwives yesterday, and she asked me if I was planning an unmedicated birth, and I said that I planned to try it, and she put me down as "open" and warned me that if I was "wishy-washy" going in, I was going to end up with the epidural, so I really needed to think about what I wanted, or some such.

I have thought about it a lot; I have thought about it enough that I have way too many thoughts to discuss in a routine is-everyone-still-ok appointment. And I guess I'm kind of curious about how many of those thoughts seem completely ludicrous to people who actually know of what they speak, so, here are a bunch of things I secretly believe or expect about labor, ( behind the cut. )